A Matter Of Size
by Kari Kurofai
Summary: Kiku overhears a rather . . . Interesting conversation between England, America, and France. "Who has the bigger WHAT!"


**A Matter Of Size**

Japan was stalking - correction - _sneaking_ through the hallways of the world meeting building. Samurais weren't stalkers, not at all. And of course he was supposed to be here today. He was just a little . . . _Early_. Yeah, that was a good word. Early. He had most certainly not arrived here at this time because he knew that a certain someone else liked to be annoyingly early. Nope, not at all. He was just here at this ridiculous hour because he had decided that it would be a nice to make the others wait for him. Yeah, that was it. He was not a stalker.

But he sure as hell looked like one, creeping down the hall towards the meeting room. It was probably pretty suspicious looking to an outsider, not like he cared much. He was the nation of Japan. Any outsiders would probably be just normal citizens anyways. He snorted at the thought of being compared to an ordinary human. His stalking - er - sneaking skills were much better than any normal person's. Presently, he was just a few feet from the meeting room, and he pressed his back up against the wall of the hallway and inched along it towards the door, ever so quietly.

He could hear voices inside the room, which surprised him so much that he double-checked his watch just to make sure that he really was early. No one else was usually here at this time of day, except sometimes -

"Even if it's bigger, mine is still ten times better," an angry voice snorted from inside the room.

- England. Kiku narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Why did it have to be that guy in there with the person Japan was stalking - scratch that - following? He bit his lip, sucking on the blood that welled in his mouth in frustration. Kami, he was pissed now. If he was still allowed to carry his Katana he would have gotten rid of that weirdo ages ago. But his rival was safe for now. Kuso.

"Bigger is always better!" another voice exclaimed enthusiastically. "That's why mine is the best! Cause it's not only big, it's awesome!"

Kiku smirked to himself, recognizing that voice immediately. America. But wait . . . What the hell were they talking about?

"Non, mon ami," yet another voice interrupted, "Mine is definitely the biggest. Besides, it represents love and passion worldwide. So that makes me the winner."

Japan choked on his own saliva. Oh good god, France was in there too? His mind whirled, trying to piece together everything he'd heard so far to come up with a logical explanation for what they were saying. He blushed profusely, they couldn't be . . .

"It is not!" America protested loudly from inside the room. "Do you want to compare and see!"

The Asian nation slid down towards the floor. They really couldn't be doing what he thought they were. But the thought made him almost peer around the corner just to check, even if they were. He slapped himself quietly, ecchi. He shouldn't jump to conclusions. Though there really was nothing else it could be. But, in the middle of the _meeting room_? Seriously?

"I don't need to see," Francis huffed indignantly, "Have you forgotten who gave it to you?"

Kiku groaned silently, he did not need to know something like that.

Inside the room, America gasped as if he'd been slapped, "You did _not_ just say that! Mine represents all things awesome and free and . . . Awesome!" he said for a second time.

England decided to jump back in the conversation, "Well mine is a piece of history, much older than both of yours. So that automatically makes it better."

"It's still the smallest," the other two blonds said in unison, making Arthur stutter indignantly.

"And mines' still bigger," Francis added smugly.

"Maybe if you chopped off the head on mine," America retorted.

Japan slid even lower, covering his eyes in embarrassment. Kami, they were seriously talking about this?

"Then it would be twice as small as mine," France snorted.

Alfred gasped again as if he'd been struck again, "You arrogant old fogy! Well . . . I- I have that other one, the really, really big one! It's the biggest in the world!"

Francis was silent a moment in contemplation, "That one? Hmm . . . Well, I suppose it could compare. But if we're going to go into those instead of the nationally symbolic ones, then you still loose, ami."

"Huh?" Alfred sounded taken aback, "But mine's the biggest, so it wins!"

Arthur muttered something about how size wasn't everything under his breath, "You bloody idiot, don't you ever read the news? Japan has a bigger one now."

Huh? Kiku stood up again, surprised. Something like that was in the news?! Who put that in the news?! And how was it possible that he had a bigger . . .

"Kiku!" America said suddenly, rounding the corner and flinging his arms around the smaller country's shoulders, "Come in here, quick, quick!"

Japan blushed furiously as he was dragged into the room and turned to face an expectant looking France and England, America still hanging off of his shoulders, "Wha-what do you want with me?"

"Yours is bigger," America said as if that explained everything, his chin on top of the older nation's head, "Right?"

Kiku swallowed, "Wh-what?! What are you even talking about? Certainly America-san-"

"No," Alfred interrupted, "Iggy says you built a bigger one. Did you? Is it taller than my Empire State Building? No fair."

The dark haired man stopped breathing, "Empire . . . State Building?"

"Duh," America snorted near his ear, arms still draped around his shoulders, "And the Statue of Liberty, and the Eiffel Tower, and that stupid ass clock Arthur has-"

"Big Ben!" The dark browed country hissed angrily.

"Whatever," America finished. "So anyways, Kiku did you really build a more awesome tower. Cause that means you win."

"Fujiku tower," Kiku stated dully. Well, now that he knew that this was all they were talking about, he didn't really care.

Alfred tilted his head to the side, catching the other's tone, "What did you think we were talking about?"

"N-nothing!" Japan stammered. "It just sounded like something completely different when I came in half way through the conversation, okay?"

Francis stared at him, a slow, very evil smile spreading across his face as realization dawned on him. He turned gleaming blue eyes to England, "Mon cheri, want to see my Eiffel Tower?"

England raised a characteristic eyebrow, "What are you talking about? I've seen the bloody thing a billion times already. You take me there nearly every time I'm at your house."

The older blond started laughing uproariously, "You don't get it do you?" He chuckled, trying to cover his laughter behind a hand as Arthur glared daggers at him, "Oh, mon cheri, Nihon thought . . ." He leaned over, whispering into the other's ear, smirking as his emerald eyes widened.

"And you thought Alfred's would be the biggest!?" England choked out, staring at the mortified Kiku and the oblivious America still attached to the older nation's shoulders. "Why would-"

His words were muffled as Francis covered his mouth with a hand, the older man grinning from ear to ear. "Sooo . . . Anyways . . . England, let's go compare those towers then, shall we?" He dashed out of the room, Arthur still in his grasp, the younger nation screaming protests as he was taken away against his will.

Alfred stared after them with a blank look on his face, "What was that all about?"

"N-nothing . . ." Japan sighed, slumping down a bit in America's grasp. Kami, he shouldn't have gotten up early after all. It was too exhausting.

"I'm hungry," the blond said thoughtfully after a moment, "The meeting doesn't start for another hour. Wanna go get breakfast with me?"

Kiku blinked in surprise, turning slightly to look up at the taller nation, "R-really?"

America grinned, "Of course!"

Maybe stalking - er - sneaking, paid off after all. Not that he'd tell anyone that. Japan smiled, "I'd like that, America-san."

The blond laughed, "Right then! Let us be off!" He pointed to the door, grabbing Japan's hand as he practically skipped out it. "Are you okay with IHOP? Did you know that that stands for International House Of Pancakes? I just realized that, stupid huh? Does that mean they have them at your place too? Cause it says International and-"

"America," Kiku interrupted suddenly, remembering something, "How did you know I was in the hallway a minute ago?"

"Huh? Hero's intuition, duh," America stated, waving a hand as if it was obvious. "And anyways, you totally have to show me this tower of yours sometime, okay?"

Kiku rolled his eyes, blushing slightly. Kami, every time he looked at any of the spoken of buildings from now on he was going to think about that. "Sure . . ." He said reluctantly.

"Great! And I'll show you mine!"

Japan coughed, staring at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE

Btw, this was for Lucky-Angel135 's contest. Oh my god, I almost died laughing writing this. Poor Japan. By the way, his tower is not real. Yet. I thought it was, forgive me. ;] But Kiku had to toss him in there, after all, we needed an outside POV and Ameri-tan would have been lonely after Francis kidnapped Iggy. Which was bound to happen anyways, naughty Francis. So yup, here's my entry. I wish I could have said more, but there's only so much to say about . . . Towers . . . *snerk*


End file.
